Dallas Mavericks @ Los Angeles Clippers
(April 10, 2006)

It seems that my birthdays might have a cool sports pattern. Last year was filled with jerseys, helmets, and tickets ,,, as my brother got me an original Indianapolis Colts helmet phone from the 1995 NFL Draft used to call the League and players during the draft. While my girly got me a football jersey and tickets to the LA Avengers football game. This year Kami out did any birthday gifts EVER with an assortment of amazingly thoughtful gifts. And my bro was at it again as well, getting me a Surround Sound system and freakin crazy tickets for a basketball game between two of my favorite teams, Dallas Mavericks and LA Clippers.

I have been a huge fan of both teams from the beginning. Beginning meaning as far as I can remember being a young Russian immigrant seeing bunch of big black guys in tiny shorts running up and down the court. Oh yeah, I was also a big Celtic fan. But their team was filled with bunch of big ugly white dudes. I grew up in LA but hated the Lakers because everyone around me wouldn't shut up about them. It's like eating the same food everyday, after a while you just want to throw it all up. I rebelled and rooted for the crosstown crappy Clippers, the Conference foes in the Mavericks, and the League enemies in the Celtics.

There was a dilemma before the game. What team would I root for and what to wear. Should I wear my old Mavericks starter jacket and lime green hat from the 80's or should I go with home pride and my Clippers? Kami said I should go with my heart so I chose an all red outfit to support my boys who finally made the playoffs for the first time in 9 years. Red shoes, my red Herschel Walker USFL jersey, and my red old ass Clipper hat. I looked as if I was either going to a sporting event or go BLASTING on some blue wearing bitches! Hos! betta watch themselves! Yeah I looked silly or in some eyes a big menacing crip killa, but I assume in most eyes I just looked like a big ass hairy Kool-Aid man.

We arrived at the Staples Center not exactly sure how low our seats were. We walked through the tunnel and down we went ... lower and lower, I was getting nervous ... we were entering the zone of the rich and famous. I could smell the pretentiousness in the air, the smell of money, the smell of sweat, the smell of $10 hot dogs! Then we arrived! Second row behind our LA Clipper Bench! I was amazed, my bro was filled with joy as he was the hero in my eyes, the real mccoy, the gift giver of all gift givers. I quickly began testing out my camera to see how close of shots I can get, fixing my white balance, my pixel rate, and making sure the card was all empty.

The game began and we had empty seats in front and to side. We lounged and spread out. Then a few minutes later, a cute chicky sat in front of us then shortly she was joined by an older lady. They both looked familiar and then it clicked. The people around us were privileged to be in company of major celebrities [VIDEO] ... Ivan and Ricky D. Oh yeah plus Lara Flynn Boyle and Penny Marshall who now blocked our view. They were in front of us chatting it up with the Clipper bench. I know people hound celebrities for autographs and we hoped these two could let us enjoy our game without jocking us. They were good sports and pretended to not look interested, although I did spot Lara checking out my shoes and Herschel Walker jersey.

Last year when Kami and I were at the Staples Center for the Avengers game, we were put up on the "Kiss Cam" and wound up making out in front of 20,000 people. My heart pounded and sweat ran down my ass crack as I worried that some gay incest crap might happen if that silly camera found Ivan and Ricky. Luckily for us I guess the "Kiss Cam" is an Avenger thingy.

We were so close we can hear the team huddle and they can hear us. And they can hear the guy behind us yelling, "nice contract, you thief!" or "go back to the CBA you bum!" As the game flowed the same funny fan turned to me as he recognized the real player at the event and commented with adoring eyes about my USFL Walker jersey and how clean it was. NOW I was really worried that Lara was not going to leave me alone but again she was either very cordial in not ogling me or just didn't recognize how cool I was in my all red gear. Of course a few minutes later the guy next to me spilled half his jug of beer all over my fancy jersey.

As the game progressed my brother got a call from his boss at Diabolic. His boss let him know that he knew that my brother was not editing on this night because he can see him and my handsome self on his TV. You see how these cameras can spot celebrities anywhere. It was a close-up of us two except the two chicks in front of us blocked the cameras from seeing my entire cool outfit. Talk about being camera hogs, geez! And talk about missing out on some awesome free PR, I should have wore my iamivan.com hat. :(

The game was low scoring and the Clippers lost at the end on a last second shot by Dirk Nowitzki [VIDEO], leaving them with .07 seconds left and an EVENTUAL LOSS. It was an awesome time and an awesome gift. And when I arrived back home Kami cleaned the entire house even removing stains off the carpet. She rules, my bro rules, and so does Tivo ... as I sat back and watched my Kool-Aid looking self at the game and our big close-up with Lara and Penny.